Dear D*,
You may recall the last paragraph in a letter dated August 10, 2010: “On a final note, please make every attempt to continue serving Biscoff cookies aboard flights traveling greater than 500 miles. Honestly, this is the only reason I continue to fly.” Sadly, this wish was not granted on a recent flight from MSP to SFO. While I understand that you may have feared that I would perform inappropriate acts with said Biscoffs, I can assure you that my love of the snack is too great. Even though I decided to stay awake the entire night before my flight and the woman next to me continued to crinkle a plastic Kmart-style bag incessantly during my rest period, I can assure you that I would not have crushed the Biscoffs and sprinkled them on her head. Likewise, even though the man in the row behind me decided to ring his call light immediately after takeoff (before we even reached 10,000 feet) to ask when he would be receiving his headphones (again, during my rest period), I would not throw Biscoffs at his face as if they were hockey pucks. Again, Biscoffs are my favorite treat in America and I would not even dream of wasting them on a lousy bag crinkler or even an annoying call light ringer. In order to rectify this situation in the future, please have an adequate supply of Biscoffs available for each flight. Please note that it may even be advisable to maintain a back-up stash in the first class closet.
On another note, I would like to thank you for once again downgrading my suitcase. It is now a bipod. As you may recall, it began its life with a fully functional set of four limbs. Even though you cleverly denied my claim on a technicality last time, I think I would be best served resubmitting the claim. Maybe this time I will get a more sympathetic Service Center Associate.
Sincerely
L
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